Episode #15 (Season 12) - "For Anyone Struggling"

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

Recovery radio KMP three thousand Uh yes. You are listening to the Recovery Radio Podcast on KMP three. I remember about the house on this. I am your host. And email me at sarcastic big book at email. Follow me on Instagram at sarcastic.book. And to get all my books. Go to sarcasticrecovery.com or you can get the sarcastic big book. First and second editions. Sarcastic Data Meditations. More sarcastic data meditations. Just for yesterday. And the first two columns of a four-step daily affirmations. 365 affirmations that won't help you a bit. And as always, I'm so glad you're here with me. I don't know if your day is just getting started or it's just coming to an end. Maybe it's somewhere right in the middle, but here we are. You and me. And I am glad for that. I'm grateful I have no desire to drink today. I'm grateful for my sobriety. I used to go to work and go to the bathroom and lock the door and lay down on the floor and pound on the floor. I was so mad that I was an alcoholic. I was so mad that I wanted to drink. When I did not want to drink, I was so furious and confused. I was so uncomfortable. I was so unhappy in my early recovery. Even when I had a spiritual awakening in my early recovery, I still had to do the steps. I still had to go through the roller coaster of what happens to your body when you start drinking and using drugs at a young age and then you stop. I had to go through all that. I had to wade through all the confusing messages and suggestions I got. Some of them were just sh trash. I had to use a lot of discernment. Find people I really trusted, find people who really had what I wanted. And listen to them and only them. It's so important in my life. I talk about it on here sometimes, but it's like if I wanted to learn how to be a plumber, I wouldn't go to dental school. If I wanted to learn how to be a dentist, I wouldn't go to a music store. It sounds crazy, but in Alcoholics Anonymous, I see that that happens constantly and happened with me for a couple years. Somebody hadn't who had no peace was giving me advice on how to get peace. Guiding me. Somebody who had terrible relationships was trying to help me with my relationship.

SPEAKER_01 4:20

People who had, you know.

SPEAKER_00 4:27

No success with long time sobriety. Telling me how to do it. So I really had to use discernment. And um it was hard. It's hard getting sober. Even if you like me really want to. It's hard. It was hard for me. I try not to forget about that. Trying to take this for granted ever. I sit here right now and there's a little whisper of fall in the air, and where I live is beautiful and I love my life, I love how I feel. I love Alcoholics Anonymous. I love my friends.

SPEAKER_01 5:43

And it's been a long road. Life is so hard.

SPEAKER_00 6:02

This way of life that's you know, Coholics Anonymous is so simple and freeing and helpful for me. I want to be of service today. It's not contrary action. And part of that is due to my understanding of the big book, that it's a two-fold malady, that the spiritual malady is only brought up because and only emphasized because it's the route to our salvation. Part of it is that understanding, because it completely changed many years ago what I apply and how I apply it. What I think about and what I don't think about. What I subconsciously used to limit is gone. I used to just subconsciously limit so many things because I just was resigned to the idea that everything about me that was fucked up was my alcoholism. I was just stuck with it. But I had a great day yesterday. Not for any particular reason other than I was just able to, you know, not make things about me all day.

SPEAKER_01 7:54

Trying to improve. Experiences and situations.

SPEAKER_00 8:10

But it's been a long road. It's really hard. There are many times when I doubted God and and I guess you're kind of the person I want to talk to today. Just imagining the person out there who's listening who's doubting God. I just want to kind of sit with you. Tell you that I spent so much time doubting God. And forever for whatever it may be worth to you, I do not anymore have any doubt. But there's a long, long period of time in my life where I I just didn't know.

SPEAKER_01 9:06

I didn't know if everything was gonna be okay. But it is. I'm sure of that.

SPEAKER_00 9:41

I'm gonna read a vision for you. And then we'll close this meeting. If you've just joined this podcast, I've explained that a long time ago. The dumb thing. When I was a little kid, I would just be joking a lot, and if the joke didn't work, I would say dumb. So in my neighborhood, I'm sure everybody heard dumb. They heard me bossing people around and then they heard dumb. Long before I went through puberty and became more male in my appearance. Back when I was a beautiful young woman. Page 164. A book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who's still sick. The answers will come if your own house is in order. I think that's a pretty profound statement. Ask in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who's still sick. The answers will come if your own house is in order. Response and opportunities will just appear. As long as I keep my house in order. That's been my experience. But obviously, you cannot transmit something you haven't got. Not powerless over people, places, and things. There's something I can transmit that will actually help people if my house is in order. It's pretty powerful. See too that your relationship with him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. No doubt about that. It's a great fact for us. Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to him and to your fellows. Remember when I started to run towards being wrong, fall into being wrong. You know, because my knee-jerk reaction was always no, no, no, don't do that, don't apologize, don't say you're sorry, don't admit you're wrong, you can't be wrong, you have to be right all the time. And I find the gods on the other side of that. So I try to run into that and fall into that. I suck. I mess up a lot. Admit your faults into your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find. And join us. We shall be with you in the fellowship of the spirit. And you will surely meet some of us as you should trudge the road of happy destiny. I love that it's the road of happy destiny and not the road to happy destiny. I remember when that was pointed out to me many years ago. May God bless you and keep you until then. I want to say hello to Nina. And if anybody needs to hear it, everything is okay. I'm gonna go do kind of a weird thing. It's for Ace Hardware. It's for Garden Hose. I'm just gonna leave that one alone. That metal modeling scenario. I'm just gonna leave it alone. Wait a minute, yeah, it's just me. Yeah, I'm alone. Obviously. Okay, I'm out of here. I'm not funny today. I'm gonna go. I do not know why my life was saved, but I'm gonna go try to live a life that was worth saving a bit of a saving.